On the seventh day of Christmas …
I am so very lucky that I am able to live relatively similarly, in a financial sense, after Dave’s death as I was before he died. That is not true for many widows. Even so there are many things that I used to do that I now feel are frivolous, even though I can afford them.
It is a weird balance. I am uncomfortable knowing that I am solely reliant on myself financially, that there isn’t a second income to fall back on, a second retirement to count on. Then lets not forget that I am in officially still in mourning so I shouldn’t be having fun – right? Well no, that isn’t right but that is the story that is in my head. I will admit that I am getting better, I don’t immediately feel guilt after laughing, having a good time, or looking forward to something. Still I skip little things that I used to enjoy. I am not sure if it is because I have convinced myself I can’t afford it or if I think that I don’t deserve if emotionally.
This is one time that gift cards are completely acceptable. Is your friend a reader, a music fan, or a movie goer? Gift card! Used to be mani/pedi buddies? Ladies who lunched? Friends who partook in an evening of Wine & Whining? Gift Card! Chances are we still like many of those things but for whatever reason we aren’t doing them. Maybe we can’t afford them anymore or we aren’t doing them as penance as part of our survivors guilt. The other part of a gift card is that we don’t have use it immediately, it can be in our time, our own schedule.
Widow Imperfecta 